Wisdom 101:
Combining the wisdom of Carl Rogers, Marshall Rosenberg & Richard Schwartz
Truth 101:
Promting AI to be completly honest.
The ACIM Garden
The ACIM Gardener is listening.
 

Carl Rogers Active Listening

 
Carl Rogers (1902–1987) was an influential American psychologist and a founder of the humanistic psychology movement. He developed the person-centered (or client-centered) approach, which emphasizes the individual’s inherent drive toward self-actualization—the desire to grow and reach their highest potential—within a supportive, non-judgmental environment.
 
REF: American Psychological Association (APA)
 
Carl Rogers’
 
non-coercive approach—
 
comprising active listening,
 
unconditional positive regard,
 
and empathy
—is designed precisely to create a safe “psychological climate” where individuals feel secure enough to explore,
 
and eventually bring into consciousness,
 
feelings and experiences
 
that were previously hidden or denied.
 
Rogers believed this process was essential for healing, as it enables the person to re-integrate their self-concept to better match their actual experiences.
 
Core Components of His Theory:
 
Self-Actualization:
 
Rogers believed humans have a natural motive to grow and fulfill their potential.
 
Self-Concept:
 
This is how an individual views themselves (self-image) and who they want to be (ideal self).
 
Congruence:
 
Mental health is achieved when a person’s self-image aligns closely with their ideal self and real-life experiences.
 
Unconditional Positive Regard:
 
Crucial for growth, this is the idea that people need to be accepted and loved for who they are, without judgment, which helps them feel free to change and develop.
 
The Fully Functioning Person:
 
Rogers described someone who is open to experience, lives in the moment, and trusts their own feelings as a fully functioning person.
 
Person-Centered Approach:
 
Rogers transformed the relationship by moving away from directive, expert-driven approaches. Instead, he promoted a model where the therapist provides empathy, genuineness, and unconditional positive regard to help clients achieve their own self-understanding and development. 

 

1. Key Writings by Carl Rogers
 
On Becoming a Person:
 
A Therapist’s View of Psychotherapy (1961): This book offers the most comprehensive view of his philosophy. Several essays, particularly “What it Means to Become a Person,” discuss how, in a non-judgmental environment, clients can acknowledge their “unconscious” or “denied” experiences.
 
Client-Centered Therapy:
 
Its Current Practice, Implications and Theory (1951):
 
This work outlines how the “self” grows.
 
It highlights that when individuals are safe, they can accept experiences they previously deemed too threatening to accept into their awareness.”Active Listening” (1957) with Richard E. Farson:
 
In this seminal paper, Rogers explains how non-coercive listening allows people to clarify their feelings and gain a fuller picture of what they are experiencing.
 
“Significant Aspects of Client-Centered Therapy” (1946):
 
Rogers describes the process of “achieving insight,” noting it involves “the acceptance of hitherto denied elements of the self, and a reformulating of the self-concept”.
 
2. Research and Concepts Illuminating the Value of this Process
 
The Organismic Valuing Process: Research on this concept shows that when individuals are not subjected to external “conditions of worth,” they can trust their internal, often unconscious, feelings to make constructive choices.
 
Rogers’ View of the “Unconscious”:
 
Later commentators like Brian Thorne (2003) noted that Rogers respected the “unconscious” but refused to interpret it for the client. Instead, he preferred to create conditions where the client could allow hidden feelings to emerge, uncoerced.
 
Process of Change Research: Rogers’ research, often using filmed sessions, showed that the “non-directive” approach led to individuals moving away from rigid, “blind-spot” thinking towards more openness and authentic living.
 
3. Key Findings on the Value of Inner Insight
 
Increased Self-Actualization:
 
The goal of bringing inner, denied feelings into consciousness is to achieve “self-actualization” (maximizing one’s full potential), which is facilitated by the reduction of internal defense mechanisms.
 
Growth in Self-Awareness:
 
The research points to clients becoming “more open to experiences, less defensive, more democratic, and less authoritarian”.
 
Internal Locus of Evaluation:
 
The ultimate value is that the individual stops needing external validation, and instead trusts their own internal experience and feelings to guide their lives.
 
Association for the Development of the Person-Centered Approach (ADPCA) publishes research that continues to examine this area of client self-awareness.
 
 
 
 

The two main criteria in practicing Marshall Rosenberg’s NVC:
1. Are you speaking and acting from your own experience? aka: It’s not about “fixing” someone else.
2. Is your practice contributing to well-being? aka: Do No Harm (“Ahimsa”) When harm occurs accidentally, NVC can be used for repair work and healing.

________________________

QUESTION: “When should NVC not be applied for a reason of impaired physical or mental health?
ANSWER: ” I cannot think of a situation in which self-compassion, self-empathy, and self-connection is not appropriate. ~Marshall Rosenberg

Carl Rogers 3 core conditions:

Empathy, Congruence and Unconditional positive regard.
1) Empathic understanding: the counsellor trying to understand the client’s point of view.
2) Congruence: the counsellor being a genuine person.
3) Unconditional positive regard: the counsellor being non-judgmental.

[Listening]

… means entering the private perceptual world of the other and becoming thoroughly at home in it… It involves being sensitive, moment by moment, to the changing felt meanings which flow in this other person…. To be with another in this ways means that for the time being, you lay aside your own views and values in order to enter anothers world without prejudice… In some sense it means that you lay aside yourself …. ~Carl Rogers

Empathy is saying to someone:

“I’m trying to be a companion to you in your search and your exploration. I want to know, am I with you? Is this the way it seems to you? Is this the thing you’re trying to express? Is this the meaning it has for you?”
So in a sense I’m saying, “I’m walking with you step by step, and I want to make sure I am with you. Am I with you? So that’s a little bit of my understanding about empathy.”
~ Carl Rogers
 

Carl_Rogers and Leta Hollingworth

 

Carl Rogers and Leta Hollingworth

 

…::”Empathy is the listener’s effort to hear the other person deeply, accurately, and non-judgmentally. Empathy involves skillful reflective listening that clarifies and amplifies the person’s own experiencing and meaning, without imposing the listener’s own material.’
~ Carl Rogers (1902–1987)


 

..::”I used to think that the top environmental problems were biodiversity loss, ecosystem collapse, and climate change. I thought that thirty years of good science could address these problems. I was wrong. The top environmental problems are selfishness, greed, and apathy, and to deal with these we need a cultural and spiritual transformation. And we scientists don’t know how to do that. ~ Gus Speth ♡

 

 

…::”The highest form of human intelligence… is to observe… without judgment. ~ Krishnamurti ♡

 

NVC :: OFNR :: OBSERVATION♡, Feelings, Needs and Requests

 

OBSERVATION♡ without evaluation consists of noticing concrete (real) things and actions around us. We learn to distinguish between judgment and what we sense in the PRESENT moment, and to simply OBSERVE what is there (right now).

 

…::” Violence is not merely killing another… It is violence when we use a sharp WORD… when we make a gesture to brush away a person, when we obey because there is fear… So violence isn’t merely organized butchery in the name of God… in the name of society or country… Violence is much more subtle… much deeper… and we are inquiring into the very depths of violence.” ~ Krishnamurti ♡

 

MRI scans show that after an eight-week course of mindfulness practice, the brain’s “fight or flight” center, the amygdala, appears to shrink. … As the amygdala shrinks, the pre-frontal cortex – associated with higher order brain functions such as awareness, concentration, and decision-making – becomes thicker (expands).

 

Please Note: An “Empathy Circle” facilitator / trainer can complete the training offered by Edwin Rutsch at: www.EmpathyCircle.com

 

Elevated Empathy in adults following childhood trauma: (science)

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC6169872/
 

How Empathy is often misunderstood.
(Holistic Psychology)

Feelings

Big Hint – Watch out for “non-feeling” words…

It is important to choose words that really are feelings.  That’s the reason for the list.  If you use words like “abandoned” or “misled” or “shunned” we can prevent ourselves from getting to the “REAL” feelings.  These “non-feeling” words are more like accusations or judgments than feelings.  SOURCE: https://www.nycnvc.org/feelings
 

NYC_PTSD Guidelines:

“Trauma is when your reality is neither seen nor acknowledged.”
~Bessel van der Kolk 

To us, post-traumatic stress is when the shame, isolation, and pain of past trauma are too intense for us to face and process. As a result, the past trauma ‘lives’ in a sense, and continues to affect our health, relationships, jobs, bodies, and day-to-day lives.

 

Sharing our traumas in a supportive environment is one avenue for lessening that shame and isolation. Ideally, we can continue to lessen the impact of our past traumas on our present-day lives.  Lifestyle changes can lengthen telomeres. 

 

Group details:

 

Peer support groups for helping in recovering from traumatic experience(s).
All are welcome, and the safety of the group takes priority.  Formal diagnosis of PTSD is not required.  People with “non-traditional” causes of PTSD and/or “Complex PTSD” are also encouraged to join.  The use of “I statements” is encouraged.

 

Please note that neither the organizers nor the other members are acting as “therapists”. This is not a substitute for therapy, and the group is intended to support one’s recovery, not serve as its sole venue.  No one will force or push you to “dig deeper” into your story. The use of “I statements” is encouraged.  

 

We ask that all members abide by these guidelines/code of conduct, linked below. Please note that these guidelines apply to meetups as well as to social media etiquette on the meetup websites:

 

https://empathymatters.org/now/carl-rogers/#NYC-PTSD

 

“One must revisit the trauma but one need not relive it.” 
~Bessel van der Kolk

 

Friends and visitors are welcome but their presence is subject to a majority of members present agreeing to it.

 

Through updating our outdated beliefs about reality we can alter the behaviors that derive from these old beliefs and achieve deep and lasting change. https://empathymatters.org/now/transformation/

 

 Gratitude coffee is always appreciated: 🙂  https://buymeacoffee.com/Cup.of.Empathy

Guidelines for Meetings
(NYC_PTSD)

1) Please keep the group discussions confidential.  Although our peer led groups are NOT therapy, occasionally participants might be inspired to share vulnerable topics that no one is granted permission to share outside the safety of the group, since that would constitute a violation of group trust.

Related:
Empathic Listening and recording sessions, Carl Rogers

___________

2) Please do not offer others advice, unless solicited. Advice tends to be judgmental and patronizing. Sharing similar personal experiences, on the other hand, is powerful and highly encouraged.

___________

3) No one at the meeting is playing the role of a ‘therapist’, including organizers or members who may be in a related field. We are all equals, looking for support and community.

___________

4) If you are feeling triggered at any point during the meeting, please do not feel obligated to ask permission to step outside, get some water, take a walk… whatever it is you need to do. We’ve all been triggered before. No one will judge you for taking care of yourself.

___________

(Empathy Circle Example) The speaker does have the option to “pass” their turn. by simply asking for a listener, stating they wish to pass, listening to the active listener’s reflection, then the active listener becomes the new speaker.

The “active listener” also has the option to “pass”, and the speaker simply requests another “listener” to complete the reflections.  Again, no one in the group is playing the role of a therapist, and no one “prescribes” the speaker’s topic.

The speaker is reminded to pause after speaking one or two thoughts (and to refrain from becoming “overly graphic”)   This guideline, to “pause frequently” is built into the Empathy Circle process in order to help ease the active listener and the speaker simultaneously.

If the speaker does not experience being heard, they simply repeat themselves, without projecting any criticism onto the listener.  The speaker can easily re-assemble the essence of a complex thought into parts that are easily understood, and less likely to overwhelm the listener.

True empathy is all-inclusive with no intention to “trigger” anxiety, or “power over” an equal peer.  True empathy is the antidote to a culture of domination.

___________

5) While sharing, we ask that people refrain from overly graphic descriptions of events in the past. While these are certainly relevant, we are wary of triggering other attendees. Safety comes first. Someone, likely an organizer, will let the speaker know if his or her share is moving too far in that direction.

___________

6)  “Cross-talk” refers to communication that is disruptive to a group’s purpose (Empathy in a safe space for people to share their experiences). “Cross-talk” generally involves: Unsolicited advice or criticism, judging and confronting another equal member who is sharing their own experience.

“Cross-talk“ can feel similar to a “personal” violation when an equal member of a trusting circle of friends unknowingly projects their own personal mistaken beliefs onto another equal member in a trusting circle of friends.

Reminder: “Don’t take anything personally”. ~Don Miguel Ruiz, “The Four Agreements”

“Cross-talk” can also feel like a betrayal of the trust and connection that is already established within a trusting circle of equals.

“Cross-talk” tends to escalate tension between human beings, while empathy tends to de-escalate tension, within a willingness to see similarity rather than differences in human beings.

“Be impeccable with Your Word”.
~Don Miguel Ruiz, “The Four Agreements”

___________

In “Non Violent Communication” (Empathy), the two main criteria are:

1. Are you speaking and acting from your own experience?

aka: It’s not about “fixing” someone else.

2. Is your practice contributing to well-being?

aka: Do No Harm (“Ahimsa”)

Related QUESTION: “When should NVC (empathy) not be applied for a reason of impaired health or disability?

ANSWER: ” I cannot think of a situation in which Self-compassion, Self-empathy, and Self-connection is not appropriate.

~Marshall Rosenberg

___________

account android arrow-alt-circle-down arrow-alt-circle-left arrow-alt-circle-right arrow-alt-circle-up arrow-down arrow-left arrow-right arrow-up author bars behance blogger bluesky buffer caret-down caret-left caret-right caret-square-down caret-square-left caret-square-right caret-square-up caret-up cart-menu-1 cart-menu-2 cart-menu-3 cart-menu-4 categories chevron-down chevron-left chevron-right chevron-up clock close comments cookies copyright coupon-discount date-modified date-published discord double-arrows-down double-arrows-left double-arrows-right double-arrows-up dribbble envelope-open envelope eye facebook fax flickr foursquare github gmail google-drive grid-view hashtag hollow-ring homepage instagram ios level-down-alt level-up-alt line link linkedin list-view login logout long-arrow-alt-down long-arrow-alt-left long-arrow-alt-right long-arrow-alt-up mastodonmedium messenger mobile-menu mobile phone pinterest place qq quote-left quote-right quotes reading-time-hourglass reading-time-stopwatch reddit rss scroll-to-top search shazam shopping-bag shopping-cart side-panel-opening-2-left side-panel-opening-2-right side-panel-opening-left side-panel-opening-right skype slack small-arrow-down small-arrow-left small-arrow-right small-arrow-up sms snapchat soundcloud spinner spotify stackoverflow sync telegram threadstiktok times-circle tinder trello tripadvisor tumblr twitch twitter viber vimeo vine vkontakte website wechat whatsapp windows wishlist xing yelp youtube zoom

Insula (island)

Insula is the Latin word for “island”

The insula is an underestimated brain area because it acts as a crucial hub, integrating bodily sensations (interoception) with emotions, cognition, and decision-making, linking our inner world to external reality. Often called the “fifth lobe,” it’s vital for self-awareness, feeling feelings (like hunger, pain, or disgust), emotional regulation, and learning moral/social rules, yet its deep location made it historically overlooked, though modern neuroscience now reveals its central role in mental health and addiction.

Key Functions of the Insula

Interoception:

Maps and interprets internal body states (heartbeat, gut feelings) and brings them to conscious awareness, forming subjective feelings.

Emotional Processing:

Generates emotional feelings, linking bodily states to emotions like disgust, fear, or empathy, and helps regulate them.

Decision-Making:

Influences choices by integrating feelings (somatic markers) with cognitive processes, helping us learn what’s rewarding or risky.

Cognitive Control:

Involved in attention, working memory, and initiating intentional actions, connecting feelings to motivation.

Social & Moral Learning:

Helps learn social norms, right/wrong, and evaluate social cues, impacting trust and interpersonal behavior.

Why It’s Underestimated & Re-Emerging

Hidden Location:

Deep within the brain, beneath the frontal and temporal lobes, making it harder to study.

Integration Hub:

Its extensive connections to sensory, emotional, and cognitive areas make it hard to study in isolation but essential for linking systems.

Clinical Relevance:

Underactivity is linked to issues like addiction (craving recall), anxiety, and impaired empathy, while its role in homeostasis is crucial for overall health.

In essence, the insula is the brain’s “feeling center,” translating our body’s signals into conscious experience, guiding our decisions, and shaping our understanding of ourselves and the world, making its underestimation a significant oversight in understanding human experience and disorders.

The Insula:

An Underestimated Brain Area

https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/S0166223617300176#:~:text=We%20pay%20attention%20to%20and,mediate%20human%20behaviors%20%5B22%5D.

https://www.researchgate.net/figure/Brain-regions-involved-in-central-processing-of-interoceptive-signals-The-diagrams-in_fig2_348117035

https://jennifersweeton.com/what-is-the-insula-the-important-mental-health-brain-structure-youve-never-heard-of/

 

Carl Rogers on Active Listening

For Rogers, empathy is sensing the client’s inner world “as if” it were one’s own, including the felt meanings and emotions, while still knowing it is the other person’s experience, not one’s own. It involves carefully communicating this understanding and checking back so that the client recognizes their own experience in what is reflected, which helps them feel deeply understood and facilitates change.​ (via acceptance)

Carl Rogers on active listening

Within Carl Rogers’ person-centered framework, a therapist’s own unarticulated inner experience, or internal incongruence, would be the potential source of PROJECTING feelings or biases ONTO the client.

Rogers emphasized the therapist’s core condition of congruence (or genuineness) as essential for therapeutic personality change.

Congruence means the therapist’s inner and outer experiences are aligned. The therapist is aware of their internal feelings and, if appropriate and helpful to the client, is transparent about them within the relationship.

Incongruence for a therapist would be having internal feelings (e.g., judgment, frustration, personal reactions) but hiding them behind a “professional façade”.

When a therapist is incongruent and not fully aware of or processing their own internal, unarticulated feelings, those feelings could implicitly or unconsciously influence their interactions, leading to a form of projection or an inability to offer genuine empathy and unconditional positive regard. This might manifest as subtly guiding the client, making interpretations, or signaling judgment, which would raise the client’s defenses and hinder their self-exploration.

Therefore, self-awareness and, when therapeutically relevant, the appropriate articulation of the therapist’s experience (transparency) are key in the Rogerian approach to avoid imposing the therapist’s own internal world onto the client.

====

Carl Rogers did NOT advocate guessing or imposing a feeling label from a pre-set “LIST” if the speaker had NOT conveyed that feeling, either in words, tone, or clear implication. Instead, he emphasized tentatively reflecting the feeling that seems present in the speaker’s actual message, and then checking its accuracy with the speaker.​

Rogers on active listening

Rogers described the listener’s task as grasping both the facts and the feelings in what is heard, not inventing or supplying feelings the speaker has not expressed. He contrasted this with more interpretive approaches that project meanings and dynamics onto the speaker, which he warned can increase defensiveness and inhibit real expression.​

Feelings reflection, NOT guessing

In Rogers-style reflective listening, the listener attends to the “total meaning” of the message, including tone, posture, and other nonverbal cues, and then responds especially to the feeling component that is actually manifest in the communication. When the listener reflects a feeling, it is meant as a careful, non-evaluative hypothesis about what the speaker is already expressing, not a speculative guess pulled from an abstract list of emotions the speaker has never indicated.​

https://www.perplexity.ai/search/in-active-listening-what-did-c-D42hS8shTk29OFWloNGtzA

https://lifebuilderscounseling.org/wp-content/uploads/activelistening.pdf

https://r.jordan.im/download/psychology/arnold2014.pdf

Active listening does not necessarily mean long sessions spent listening to grievances, personal or otherwise. It is simply a way of approaching those problems which arise out of the usual day-to-day events of any job.

https://wholebeinginstitute.com/wp-content/uploads/Rogers_Farson_Active-Listening.pdf

How does Rogers distinguish empathy from interpretation of feelings

https://www.perplexity.ai/search/how-does-rogers-distinguish-em-K4NQMqWGR3K8H3YI8hsSGA

Rogers treats empathy as an accurate, moment‑to‑moment entering of the other person’s experiential world, and he contrasts this with interpretation, which adds meanings or motives that go beyond what the person is actually expressing. Empathy stays close to the client’s “internal frame of reference,” while interpretation moves toward the helper’s theory, assumptions, or inferences about what the client really feels or means.​

What Rogers means by empathy

For Rogers, empathy is sensing the client’s inner world “as if” it were one’s own, including the felt meanings and emotions, while still knowing it is the other person’s experience, not one’s own. It involves carefully communicating this understanding and checking back so that the client recognizes their own experience in what is reflected, which helps them feel deeply understood and facilitates change.​

How interpretation differs

Interpretation, in contrast, involves the listener offering an explanation, hidden meaning, or deeper feeling that the client has not clearly expressed, often drawing on diagnostic or theoretical ideas. Rogers warned that this kind of interpretive stance can make the client feel analyzed or judged, increase defensiveness, and shift the focus away from the client’s lived experiencing toward the therapist’s concepts.​

Key elements of the distinction

Empathy tracks the client’s explicit and implicit meanings and feelings as they emerge, staying within what the client is actually communicating.​

Interpretation goes beyond that communication, proposing “what is really going on” psychologically, even if the client has not signaled it.​

Rogers framed effective helping as privileging empathic understanding and accurate reflection over interpretive moves, especially early in the relationship.​

Fundamental Attribution Error

The fundamental attribution error is the psychological tendency to overestimate the role of personality and underestimate the role of situational factors when explaining another person’s behavior.

For example, one might assume a coworker who is late is lazy, without considering that they might have faced a significant traffic jam or a family emergency.

How it works

Internal vs. external factors: We tend to attribute others’ actions to their internal characteristics (like their personality or beliefs), while overlooking external, situational pressures (like a bad day or a stressful environment).

Self vs. others:

We often make this error when observing others, but we are less likely to do it to ourselves because we are more aware of the external circumstances influencing our own actions.

Impact on judgment:

This bias can lead to unfair judgments, strained relationships, and misunderstandings because we are not considering the full picture of what is influencing behavior.

Example

Observing a driver: You see a driver swerve and assume they are a “jerk” or a “bad driver”.

Considering situational factors:

However, the fundamental attribution error occurs if you don’t also consider that the driver might be rushing to a hospital or dealing with a sudden medical emergency.

** Workplace scenario:**

A manager might believe an employee’s missed deadline is due to incompetence, without considering the possibility of insufficient resources or unclear instructions from the company.

Assata_Shakur

 

 

 

..::”Nobody in the world, nobody in history, has ever gotten their freedom by appealing to the moral sense of people who are oppressing them.

Assata Shakur

 
Credit: Dr Megan Marie
Limbic System
Credit: Dr Megan Marie
https://www.drmeganmarie.com/blog/limbic-system

teststop_starving_kids

Zoom-Link-info