DARVO is an acronym for
Deny, Attack, and Reverse
Victim and Offender.
It is a manipulative communication tactic and a defensive strategy used by abusers, often those with narcissistic tendencies, to evade accountability when confronted with their wrongdoings.
Coined by psychologist Jennifer Freyd in the 1990s, DARVO is a “calculated narrative shift” that flips the roles of victim and perpetrator.
The Three Stages of DARVO
Deny: The covert abuser denies the abuse took place, minimizes it (“it wasn’t that bad”), or pretends they don’t remember.
Attack: When confronted with evidence, the abuser attacks the person raising the concern, discrediting their character or calling them “too sensitive” or “crazy”.
Reverse Victim and Offender (RVO): The abuser positions themselves as the true victim, claiming the actual victim’s efforts to hold them accountable are, in fact, an attack on them.
DARVO and Its Relationship to Narcissism
DARVO is frequently used by individuals with narcissistic personality traits because it acts as a protective shield for their fragile ego and inflated sense of self-importance.
Avoidance of Shame: Narcissists have a low tolerance for shame, criticism, or accountability. DARVO allows them to deflect these uncomfortable feelings immediately.
Need for Control: It allows the narcissist to maintain control over the narrative and the relationship, forcing the victim into a subservient role.
Perpetual Victimhood: Many narcissists see themselves as victims in all situations, making the RVO step a natural extension of their worldview.
Gaslighting:
DARVO is a form of gaslighting. By forcing the victim to doubt their own memory and reality, the narcissist maintains power.
How an Abuser Obfuscates Their Role to Pretend to be the Victim
An abuser uses DARVO to warp the perception of the victim—and any bystanders (family, friends, or courts)—making the actual victim feel responsible for the abuse.
Weaponizing the Victim’s Reaction: If the victim reacts to the abuse with anger, the abuser will call that anger “aggression” and claim to be threatened.
Martyrdom/Emotional Appeal:
They may use dramatic emotional displays, saying things like, “I can’t believe you’d treat me this way after everything I’ve done for you,” causing the victim to feel guilty and apologize.
Spreading False Narratives:
Abusers often proactively tell friends and family that they are being harassed, discrediting the true victim before they can speak up.
Triangulation:
They recruit bystanders to support their “victim” story, placing the true victim in a position of isolation.
“Legal” DARVO: An abuser may file lawsuits—such as for defamation—against the victim, using the court system to officially reframe the situation and intimidate the survivor into silence.
Long-term Impact on the Victim
Repeated exposure to DARVO can cause the victim to feel constantly on edge, develop anxiety, and experience severe self-doubt (trauma-related confusion). It often leads to the victim apologizing to the abuser for the abuser’s own hurtful behavior.
Systemic transformation and achieving equal human rights requires moving beyond temporary fixes to address the root causes of inequity. It is a long-term process that demands shifting mental models, changing structures, and transforming power relationships. The process starts with self-reflection, education, and collective action, utilizing a human rights-based approach to ensure that rights are embedded in everyday practices and organizational structures.
https://www.un.org/en/about-us/universal-declaration-of-human-rights
…::” I used to think that top global environmental problems were biodiversity loss, ecosystem collapse, and climate change. I thought that with 30 years of good science we could address these problems,
but I was wrong.
The top environmental problems are selfishness, greed, and apathy, and to deal with these we need a spiritual and cultural transformation (aka: empathy). And we scientists don’t know how to do that.”
~Gus Speth
“Power-Over” (coercive control) is the opposite of empathy.
According to psychologist David Matsumoto and his colleagues, combining feelings of disgust with contempt and anger is particularly destructive. World leaders who generate these three emotions at once can engender zealous violence against the targets of their dehumanizing military or vigilante gang campaigns while seeing the problem as someone else’s fault.
see also: https://empathymatters.org/now/schaden-freude/
