Dr. Perry is a Senior Fellow at The Child Trauma Academy in Houston. He speaks at our 2015 Research Symposium about how we choose what to pass on to our next generations.
Our sociocultural evolution is a property of our human brains’ abilities to make memories and our society has chosen to emphasize language, history and math.
However, in recent decades we have neglected our relationships to one another and, he argues, relationships are far more important to our health and well-being than most people understand.
Roots of Empathy TM
..::” The first PEACE, which is the most important… is that which comes within the souls of people when they realize their relationship, their ONENESS with the universe and all its powers, and when they realize at the center of the universe dwells the Great Spirit, and that its center is really everywhere, it is within each of us.” ~Black Elk, Oglala Sioux
Empathy, Group Identity, and the Mechanisms of Exclusion: An Investigation into the Limits of Empathy
Thomas Fuchs
Abstract
There is a conspicuous tendency of humans to experience empathy and sympathy preferentially towards members of their own group, whereas empathetic feelings towards outgroup members or strangers are often reduced or even missing. This may culminate in a “dissociation of empathy”: a historical example are the cases of Nazi perpetrators who behaved as compassionate family men on the one hand, yet committed crimes of utter cruelty against Jews on the other.
The paper aims at explaining such phenomena and at determining the limits of empathy. To this purpose, it first distinguishes between two levels of empathy, namely primary or intercorporeal and extended or higher-level empathy. It then investigates the mutual interconnection of empathy and recognition, which may be regarded as a principle of extending empathy to others regardless of whether they belong to one’s own group or not.
However, this principle is in conflict with in group conformism and outgroup biases that hamper the universal extension of empathy.
Thus, a denial of recognition and exclusion of others from one’s ingroup usually results in a withdrawal or lack of extended empathy which then influences primary empathy as well.
On this basis, and using the historical example of mass executions during the Holocaust, the paper investigates the mechanisms of exclusion that may lead to a withdrawal of recognition and finally to a dissociation of empathy.
Introduction
There is a conspicuous tendency of humans to experience empathy, and even more so sympathy, preferentially towards members of their own group. On the contrary, empathetic feelings toward out-group members or strangers may often be diminished or even be missing completely.
This may culminate in a compartmentalization or dissociation of empathy: a well-known historical example can be seen in the cases of Nazi perpetrators who behaved as compassionate family men on the one hand, yet committed crimes of utter cruelty against Jews on the other, apparently with little or no feelings of empathy or pity.
Sadly enough, one could add many other examples such as the genocide perpetrated by the Serbs against the Bosnians in the Balkan war, or by the Hutu against the Tutsi in Rwanda, both occurring in the 90s of the last century.
In all these cases, the crimes were committed against a group that had previously lived in peaceful neighborhoods with the perpetrators and had first to be defined as an outgroup, often on the basis of highly questionable criteria.
Thus, the capacity of empathy as such is apparently not sufficient to be felt and realized towards all members of the human species as a matter of course. A first assumption would be that its extension beyond the primary group requires an additional identification with the other as one’s equal, which in social philosophy is usually conceived as a relationship of reciprocal recognition.
A further conclusion can be drawn from the historical examples: through a kind of redefinition and a corresponding reframing of interpersonal perception, recognition may be withdrawn or denied.
Then people who previously belonged quite naturally to one’s own community, right up to one’s immediate neighbors or acquaintances, may suddenly become outsiders, pariahs, or unpersons towards whom even basal human feelings of empathy or compassion are no longer felt. Empathy may then be “unhooked”, as it were, or dissociated.
The question of how this unsettling dissociation of empathy may be explained is the central topic of my paper. This question is not easy to answer, and to prepare the ground, we will need a rather broad basis in social philosophy and psychology. An important concept in this context consists in the notion of recognition as introduced famously by Hegel in the Phenomenology of Mind (1807 / 1967), and readopted more recently by Cavell (1969), Taylor (1992), and Honneth (1996,2008), among others. The recognition or acknowledgment of the other as a person to whose claim or call I have to respond has been proposed as a fundament of human relationships, sometimes even as a presupposition of empathy itself.
Recognition may be denied, however, in particular as a result of a deprivation of the fundamental claims and rights that a person enjoys as a member of a community of mutual obligations. Such experiences of misrecognition and social exclusion often result in a “struggle for recognition” (Honneth 1996) on the part of individuals or whole groups who suffer from the discrimination.
They are usually connected to a withdrawal or lack of empathetic feelings on part of the members of the discriminating group. This helps to specify the question I want to investigate in the following, namely how empathy is connected to (a) recognition and (b) group identity in such a way that a lack or loss of empathetic feelings may occur under certain circumstances.
This can be further expressed by the following questions:
– What is the nature of empathy? Should we regard it as a primary form of interpersonal connectedness or rather as being dependent on antecedent recognition and identification with the other?
– How far does empathy reach? Is there something like a general empathetic disposition (“universal empathy”) that can be restricted or suspended secondarily, or is empathy only gradually and under certain conditions extended from one’s kin to outgroup members?
– What are the presuppositions for a withdrawal of empathy from other people? What are the mechanisms of exclusion that cause a dissociation of empathy?
https://www.academia.edu/38296434/Empathy_Group_Identity_and_the_Mechanisms_of_Exclusion
The antithesis of Empathy
Flying Monkeys
‘Flying Monkey’ is the term given to those ‘agents‘ and allies that collude with an ‘abusive’ person.
The role of each ‘Flying Monkey’ is to continue carrying out the initial abuse by tormenting the ‘victim’ on the abuser’s behalf. The abuser gets to ‘abuse by proxy’ since it is the ‘Flying Monkeys’ that are getting their hands dirty, while the abuser wears a ‘mask’ of innocence.
It is a way of perpetuating abuse. Again, the abuser’s hands appear to be ‘clean’ since the ‘Flying Monkeys’ are doing the ‘dirty work’ for the abuser.
So why does the narcissist need allies?
First of all, regardless of what happened, narcissists believe the victim deserves ‘punishment’. Narcissists do not accept any responsibility for their actions, but neither do they want to accept the consequences. Narcissists believe they are right, justified, and entitled. To the Narcissist, it is ‘always’ the victim’s fault, and in their world, winning is never enough. They desire to destroy the victim, their support network, self-esteem, reputation, and anything else they can ruin.
Narcissists live in a make-believe world, but they need others to believe in that world too. By recruiting flying monkeys, they are creating a cult around themselves with them at the center as the worshipful leader.
So they recruit others to do their dirty work for them, people who collude with them, and act as agents on their behalf. People who subscribe to their false version of reality.
Since the abuser carefully controls the information each ‘agent’ gets, they get to control the reality of their ‘cult’.
The more people they recruit to their ’cause’, the more they believe their own false narrative. They live in their own world of entitlement, self-righteousness, and false innocence.
The flying monkey’s main role is to discredit the victim.
REF: https://empathymatters.org/now/flying-monkeys/
SOURCE: https://sentientcounselling.co.uk/2020/08/14/flying-monkeys-agents-of-the-narcissist/
Image: jerome-k-moore.deviantart.com
When the narcissist curses your name publicly and demands total control… the “Smear Campaign” has begun.
Flying monkeys often have strong narcissistic traits themselves, including a desire for attention, a lack of empathy, and a desire to bully and manipulate others. They may be involved in a family, work, or other situation in which they know that their best opportunity to fulfill their narcissistic desires comes from allying themselves with a more powerful narcissist.
https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/women-autism-spectrum-disorder/202010/are-you-narcissist-s-flying-monkey
“To know how we can be peaceful with ourselves when we’re less than perfect. For example: How we can learn from our limitations without blaming and punishing our self? If we can’t do that, I’m not too optimistic how we’re going to relate peacefully out in the world.
~Marshall Rosenberg
🌱 IFS & Peace 🌿 See Chat
See Chat
🌱 IFS & Projection 🌿 See Chat
Question: Why do we humans project our unconscious “parts” onto other human beings, while not even seemingly noticing that we are doing that?
Answer: This phenomenon touches right at the heart of human psychology and our relational patterns.
From an IFS perspective, we project our unconscious parts onto others because these parts carry burdens that feel too painful, threatening, or overwhelming to acknowledge directly.
Think of it like this: when we have an exile carrying deep hurt or shame, or a manager/firefighter working overtime to keep us safe, these parts operate beneath our conscious awareness.
They become like shadows that we don’t even realize are there.
Here’s the fascinating part – our psyche is actually trying to protect us!
When we can’t bear to hold certain feelings or beliefs about ourselves, our system “outsources” them onto others. It’s much easier to see these qualities in someone else than to face them in our own inner world.
This creates what we might call “psychological blind spots” – we genuinely aren’t aware we’re doing this because the parts doing the projecting are themselves unconscious.
The process is almost like our internal parts are constantly asking: *”How can I keep this person safe from pain?”* And sometimes their answer is: *”By making sure they see the problem as ‘out there’ rather than ‘in here.'”*
This is where the beautiful work of making unconscious beliefs more conscious comes in – as mentioned in approaches like Coherence Therapy. When we develop what we might call a “harmony mindset” rooted in empathy, we begin to question our automatic judgments.
We start asking ourselves: *”What am I protecting myself from seeing? What part of me is being triggered right now?”* Carl Rogers’ concept of active listening becomes crucial here – when we truly listen to others (and ourselves) with curiosity rather than judgment, we often catch glimpses of these projections.
The key is approaching both our inner experience and others’ with genuine compassion.
The good news?
Every time we recognize this pattern, we’re reclaiming our projection and bringing it back into our own system where it can be witnessed, understood, and eventually unburdened.
It’s like taking back borrowed energy that was never ours to carry in the first place.
🌱 IFS & The 8 C’s 🌿 See Chat
The 8 C’s in IFS represent qualities of the Self – your core, wise essence that naturally emerges when you’re in Self-leadership:
1. **Curiosity** – Genuine interest in understanding your parts without judgment
2. **Compassion** – Deep caring and kindness toward all your parts
3. **Calm** – Peaceful, centered presence even amid inner turmoil
4. **Clarity** – Clear seeing of what’s happening inside
5. **Confidence** – Trust in your ability to navigate internal experiences
6. **Courage** – Willingness to face difficult feelings and memories
7. **Connectedness** – Feeling linked to others and something greater
8. **Creativity** – Access to new solutions and possibilities When you lead from Self rather than from your parts, these qualities naturally arise.
For example, instead of being overwhelmed by an anxious part (which might make you act from fear),
Self-leadership allows you to approach that part with curiosity and compassion.
These Self qualities are essential for healing – they create the safe, trusting environment parts need to share their burdens and eventually let them go.
They also model how we might approach global conflicts: with curiosity about different perspectives, compassion for all involved, and the courage to find creative solutions together.
“The finest emotion of which we are capable is the mystic emotion. Herein lies the seed of all art and all true science. Anyone to whom this feeling is alien, who is no longer capable of wonderment and lives in a state of fear is already dead.
~Albert Einstein
..::”For me, the Jewish religion, like all others, is an incarnation of the most childish superstitions… And the Jewish people have no different quality for me than all other people”. ~ Albert Einstein
Einstein viewed the “cult of individuals” as unjustified and often in bad taste, noting that it was unfair to select a few for “boundless admiration” while ignoring everyone else.
(He explicitly stated he could not see anything “chosen” about Jewish people)
~Marshall Rosenberg
Imagine living on the only known planet in the infinite universe, where the mortified rich get richer by colonizing the people to follow debunked dogma, repeating an ancient doctrine of war, projected onto innocent children, again and again, the rich get richer, and the children inherit a brutal indoctrination instead of Living Sacred Life. https://empathymatters.org/armageddon/
The phrase “Domination leads to Ritual Sacrifice” bridges the gap between historical sociology and ancient anthropology.
Throughout history, domination—the exertion of control, barbaric power, or authority over others—has frequently been inextricably linked to ritual human sacrifice.
This connection manifests in both structural power dynamics and ancient religious practices.
The transition from domination to human sacrifice is essentially the barbaric projection of unhealed guilt onto other human beings, often innocent children.
What’s #memoricide ?
It’s time to save our stories, our history, our truth.
#emmaswords #wordsmatter
via Brad Blinstrub ” Amen. What we are seeing is the march of the Khazars. A disaster renamed Israel.
via EnterTheUnseen ” If you truly understand the bridge between Spirit & psyche, you’d NEVER condone forcing religious beliefs on others &/or disempowering people’s spiritual decision making. It’s abusive behavior that breeds religious trauma, which creates fear-based neural associations to divinity.
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