Having learned about making observations without evaluations and expressing our feelings and needs without blaming others, we move to step four of Marshall Rosenberg’s non-violent communication (NVC): making requests of others in order to get our unfulfilled needs met. Sounds easy, right? We’re all used to asking for things. But making effective requests requires more mindfulness than most of us realize.
https://rainbowinclouds.wordpress.com/2012/09/09/nvc-4-making-requests/
In NVC terms, requests have three characteristics:
- They’re stated in terms of clear, positive, concrete action, and they avoid asking someone to refrain from doing something.
- They’re specific enough to be doable in the present.
- They aren’t demands: the other person can say “no” without fear of retribution.
Use “Positive Action” Language
Make Specific Requests That Are Doable in the Present
Make Requests Instead of Demands
(From Nonviolent Communication: A Language of Life.)
https://rainbowinclouds.
NVC Training Sources @ NVCtraining.com
…::”From my point of view, politics today has devolved into a cult that is literally inviting civil chaos… similar to a mafia seeking territorial control through aggressive bullying in plain sight… while the senators bury their heads in the sand… crickets in fear of the next punitive, scape-goating expulsion… all marching lock-step behind mr money-bags… like hypnotized cloned lemmings marching over the next cliff… it’s just like the Biblical “blind following the blind”… communication appears to be next to impossible at this late stage of civil devolution / “Babylon”….
… after years of trying to protect the oceans and coral reefs … it became clear that all the scuba divers in the world can’t fix it… and it is our activity on land that is harming the rivers and oceans… and we humans need to wake up and protect the only known planet in the universe with life as we know it….
… at this late stage… my best suggestion is that each of us practices the skill of peaceful communication so that every interaction will help to heal the civil inflammation…. one action at a time…. all of us together creating a safe space for our brothers to heal in…. by practicing authentically with one another in a peaceful non-violent way…. through sharing NVC for everyone ASAP… and mentoring one another in the process ….
www.AcimNow.org/nvc/
~LL
[ Larry Lawhorn, OT ]
…::”Life-alienating communication both stems from and supports hierarchical or domination societies, where large populations are controlled by a small number of individuals to those individuals, own benefit.
It would be in the interest of kings, czars, nobles, and so forth that the masses be educated in a way that renders them slavelike in mentality.
The language of wrongness, should, and have to is perfectly suited for this purpose: the more people are trained to think in terms of moralistic judgments that imply wrongness and badness, the more they are being trained to look outside themselves — to outside authorities — for the definition of what constitutes right, wrong, good, and bad. When we are in contact with our feelings and needs, we humans no longer make good slaves and underlings.
It is our nature to enjoy giving and receiving compassionately.
We have, however, learned many forms of life-alienating communication that lead us to speak and behave in ways that injure others and ourselves.
One form of life-alienating communication is the use of moralistic judgments that imply wrongness or badness on the part of those who don’t act in harmony with our values.
Another is the use of comparisons, which can block compassion both for others and for ourselves.
Life-alienating communication also obscures our awareness that we are each responsible for our own thoughts, feelings, and actions.
…::”One kind of life-alienating communication is the use of moralistic judgments that imply wrongness or badness on the part of people who don’t act in harmony with our values.
Such judgments are reflected in language ::
–“The problem with you is that you’re too selfish.”
–“She’s lazy.”….
–“They’re prejudiced.”….
–“It’s inappropriate.”….
Blame, insults, put-downs, labels, criticism, comparisons, and diagnoses are all forms of judgment.
The Sufi poet Rumi once wrote, “Out beyond ideas of wrongdoing and right-doing, there is a field. I’ll meet you there.”
Life-alienating communication, however, traps us in a world of ideas about rightness and wrongness—a world of judgments. It is a language rich with words that classify and dichotomize people.
~ Marshall B. Rosenberg, Nonviolent Communication: A Language of Life
..::”When the truth of love comes …
… by Stephen Schwartz
When the real intimacy arises between human beings and the universe itself …
that intimacy and truth are felt…
they are not known conceptually …
they arise through the body …
and so when we speak of turning to God …
when we speak of turning to the infinite one …
when we talk of ending separation …
there may be ideas and hopefully, those ideas serve as an inspiration to go on …
but the real prayer … the real movement …
is one in which we turn the attention to the body…
Because it is in the body and only in the body that the bliss of union is going to be felt and not in the mind …
in some very real sense, the mind is totally transformed by a return of the attention to the heart …
it becomes a different instrument altogether …
it isn’t gone…
but the function we have assigned to the mind in our separated state is no longer a useful function at all …
the oppressive veil of thought dissolves…
and in its place we find that the eyes open into the spaciousness of the heart…
the ears open into the spaciousness of the heart …
the tongue … the sense of touch …
all life … instead of being filtered through a sensory mechanism caught in thought… redesigned then experienced …
is suddenly experienced directly through the heart …
and it does not encounter density…
but rather encounters a lucid open space in which nothing is caught in definition …
nothing is caught in the past …
nothing is caught in the confines of imposed reality …
but it is rather allowed to move and change…
Robert Gonzaleshttp://living-compassion.org
Robert Gonzales is the Founder of The Center for Living Compassion. Robert’s deep inquiry in life has led me to develop practical pathways of living in the fullness and flow of life as a daily spiritual practice—what he calls Living Compassion. In his trainings and retreats, he teaches processes and offer inner maps that support transformation in areas of inner experience that were previously inaccessible.
…::”With NVC, we’re trying to live a different value system while we are asking for things to change. What’s most important is that every connection along the line mirrors the kind of world we’re trying to create.
Each step needs to reflect energetically what we’re after, which is a holographic image of the quality of relationships we’re trying to create.
In short, how we ask for change reflects the value system we’re trying to support. When we see the difference between these two objectives, we consciously refrain from trying to get a person to do what we want. Instead, we work to create that quality of mutual concern and respect where each party thinks their own needs matter and they are conscious that their needs and the other person’s well-being are interdependent. When that happens, it’s amazing how conflicts that otherwise seem irresolvable are easily resolved.
When I’m asked to resolve a conflict, I work to lead the two sides to this caring and respectful connection. This is often the tough part. Once that is accomplished, I help both sides create strategies that will resolve the conflict to both sides’ satisfaction.
Notice that I use the word satisfaction instead of compromise! Most attempts at resolution search for compromise, which means everybody gives something up and neither side is satisfied. NVC is different; our objective is to meet everyone’s needs fully.
~Marshall Rosenberg cnvc.org
NVC :: Self-Empathy: Sarah Peyton
NVC :: The Compassion Course Explained
NYC NVC
ONE COMMON PHRASE THAT’S ALWAYS FALSE
..::” The most dangerous psychological mistake is the PROJECTION of the shadow onto others. This is the root of almost all conflicts.
~Carl Jung <3
..::” If we do anything to harm someone else… a powerful new factor comes into PLAY: the need to JUSTIFY what you did…. once the persecutor starts down the path of BLAMING THE VICTIM, he becomes likely to physically and psychologically attack the victim with even GREATER ferocity the next chance he gets.
~ Mistakes Were Made (but not by me) By Carol Tavris and Elliot Aronson <3
..::” As the Buddha said, his teaching will not be destroyed by outsiders but by insiders who do not practice the true dharma.
~Chogyam Trungpa
..::”We are all going to die… all of us… what a circus! … THAT ALONE should make us LOVE each other… but it doesn’t… We are terrorized and flattered by trivialities… we are eaten up by nothing.
~Charles Bukowski
..::” ca·ve·at emp·tor
/?kave?ät ’em(p)?tôr/
… the principle that the buyer alone is responsible for checking the quality and suitability of goods before a purchase is made.
“caveat emptor still applies when buying your non-duality 🙂
..::” Hippocratic Oath … Do no harm …. Ahimsa
Ahimsa :: (in the Hindu, Buddhist, and Jainist tradition) respect for all living things and avoidance of violence toward others…
Robert Gonzales :: NVC
…:: Gratitude is the only way to Live Happily in The Now 🙂 <3
What Is “Nonviolent Communication” (NVC) aka Compassionate Communication*?
A communication process developed by Marshall Rosenberg beginning in the 1960s, NVC is a technique for clear, empathic, nonjudgmental communications proceeding through four areas of focus: observation, feelings, needs, and request. While NVC is taught as a process of communication to improve compassionate connections to others, it has also been interpreted as a spiritual practice, a set of values, a parenting technique, an education method and a worldview. “… an easy to grasp, effective method to get at the roots of violence and pain peacefully. By examining the unmet needs behind what we do and say, NVC helps reduce hostility, heal pain, and strengthen professional and personal relationships. ”
– Marshall Rosenberg
What is this NVC? A tool, a method of engaging to listen to what is truly alive within ourselves and others. The founder, Marshall Rosenberg Ph.D., was a clinical psychologist who observed humans habitually defend, withdraw or attack in the face of judgment. Yet we are connection-seeking creatures, and when our need for safety is met, we are capable of empathetic, non-judgmental, compassionate connections. Rosenberg grasped what is now well-documented in neuropsychological literature: our brains are wired for deep connection and for building community.
Ref: http://truecolorcooking.com/true-colors-contra-dance-retreat/
NVC Shared around the world via: Compassioncourse.org
Basic 4 steps of NVC:
——————————-
1. Observe … and recap, without judgment.
(The NVC process begins with neutral observation…)
2. Describe emotions (feelings)…. not positions…
3. Identify needs… (e.g., authenticity, peace, safety… we all share these needs)
4. Make a request… For the request to really be a request—and not a demand—allow the other person to say no or propose an alternative. You take responsibility for getting your own needs met, and you let them take responsibility for theirs.
REF: wikihow.com / Practice-Nonviolent-Communication
——————————————————-
Please see: https://www.compassioncourse.org/
For eight years running, this course has proven to be “life-changing”, “fun” and “transformational” 🙂
Starts on June 19 !
The Four Components of NVC
————————————-
Observation: Observation without evaluation consists of noticing concrete things and actions around us. We learn to distinguish between judgment and what we sense in the present moment, and to simply observe what is there.
Feeling: When we notice things around us, we inevitably experience varying emotions and physical sensations in each particular moment. Here, distinguishing feelings from thoughts is an essential step to the NVC process.
Needs: All individuals have needs and values that sustain and enrich their lives. When those needs are met, we experience comfortable feelings, like happiness or peacefulness, and when they are not, we experience uncomfortable feelings, like frustration. Understanding that we, as well as those around us, have these needs is perhaps the most important step in learning to practice NVC and to live empathically.
Request: To make clear and present requests is crucial to NVC’s transformative mission. When we learn to request concrete actions that can be carried out in the present moment, we begin to find ways to cooperatively and creatively ensure that everyone’s needs are met.
www.cnvc.org/online-learning/nvc-instruction-guide/nvc-instruction-guide
——————————————————-
NVC guides us to shift our communication mindsets from violent to nonviolent by utilizing four skills:
Observing what’s happening within us and around us without judging or evaluating.
Identifying and expressing what we are feeling, as opposed to what we’re thinking or how we’re interpreting the situation.
Connecting those feelings to needs that create them.
Making and responding to requests to take action that will fulfill our needs, without making demands that will be met with punishment if not satisfied.
These skills are applied to enhance self-empathy (compassionate awareness of our own inner experience); empathy (listening to others with compassion); and honest self-expression (expressing ourselves authentically in ways that are likely to inspire compassion in others).
Please read Chapter One in “Nonviolent Communication: A Language of Life” by Marshall Rosenberg, PhD
REF: NVC–basics-of-nonviolent-communication/
REF: CNVC.org :: Learn Nonviolent Communication
REF: CNVC.org :: NVC Instruction Self-Guide
Use the four steps to manage yourself, too. 🙂
———————————————===========———
We all have the same needs…
and we each receive our feelings…
based on fulfilling our needs, or not…
Needs…
———–
Autonomy (freedom, choice)…
Honesty (authenticity, presence)…
Play (joy, humor)…
Safety (water air food shelter)
Peace (equality, Oneness)…
When our needs are met, we feel…
Loving… Open… Safe… Amazed… Eager… Energetic…
Lively… Happy… Peaceful… Serene… Rested… 🙂
And … When our needs are not satisfied, we feel…
Afraid… Angry… Confused… Embarrassed… Sad… Vulnerable…
Envious… Unhappy… Hate… Hostile… Resentful… Impatient… 🙁
——
:: #NVC :: Compassion Online Course is open to anyone who is inspired to have more compassion, understanding and harmony in their lives and in our world. It is available to anyone regardless of financial constraints, schedule conflicts or location.
:: To register: Compassioncourse.org
#NVC :: OBSERVATIONS // FEELINGS // NEEDS // REQUESTS :: (pdf)
#NVC website: https://www.nonviolentcommunication.com/
NVC Instruction Self-Guide
Practice—Feeling Peace
The Institute of Heartmath has done extensive research to develop a theory that when all of our organs are working together in simultaneous rhythm, our minds and our emotions tend to be more stable. More specifically, when the rhythm of our heart beat remains even, we are able to think more clearly and feel more present in every moment and in every action. This is called entrainment. This is a quick, easy practice that will help you familiarize yourself with entrainment, as well as help you get ready for your study and practice of NVC either by yourself or in a group setting. Remember, you can use this in any situation as a way to focus on the present moment.
1) Find a quiet, comfortable place to sit, where you will not be disturbed.
2) Begin by making yourself comfortable and begin to notice your breathing. You can do this with your eyes open or closed. Breathe normally and smoothly, without straining to take deep breaths, and notice how it feels to be present and aware of your body. If your mind begins to wander, gently bring your focus back to your breath.
3) Move your awareness over your body, and notice how you are feeling as you sit. Move through your body, from your toes, up through your legs, to your torso and through your head, and just take stock of how you feel. Focusing on your breath, notice what emotions are present right now.
4) Keeping your focus on your breath, allow yourself to become aware of your heart. As you do this, remember a specific event or a specific person that brings you a sense of appreciation. Allow that feeling of appreciation to wash over your being as you sit. If your mind begins to wander, gently refocus on your breath, and return to your feeling of appreciation.
#NVC Website: NVC Instruction Self-Guide
..:: The Highest Form Of Human Intelligence ::..
..::” Observing without “evaluating”… is the highest form of human intelligence. ~ Jiddu Krishnamurti <3
..::” The Indian philosopher J. Krishnamurti once remarked that… “Observing without “EVALUATING” is the highest form of human intelligence.” When I first read this statement, the thought, –“What non sense!”– shot through my mind… even before I realized that I had just made an “EVALUATION”.
..::” For most of us, it is difficult to make observations of people and their behavior that are free of JUDGMENT, criticism, or other forms of analysis…
..::” For THOUSANDS of years, we have been TAUGHT TO THINK in a particular way designed to make us OBEDIENT TO AUTHORITY …. but which is not conducive to safety and PEACE on our PLANET. ~ Marshall Rosenberg :: NVC :: <3
..::” Most of us are ADDICTED TO “ego-stroking” and mistake it for LOVE… Withdrawing “EGO-STROKING” can bring about much insecurity that is usually expressed through bouts of ANGER AND PROJECTION… ~ Nouk Sanchez, “Take Me To Truth”: Undoing the Ego (p. 144) :: <3
..::” You have never reacted to someone “ELSE”… You PROJECT “meaning” onto nothing… And you REACT to the meaning you’ve PROJECTED. ~ Byron Katie <3
..::” The most dangerous psychological mistake is the PROJECTION of the shadow onto others. This is the root of almost all conflicts.” ~Carl Jung <3
..::” If we do anything to harm someone else… a powerful new factor comes into PLAY: the need to JUSTIFY what you did…. once the persecutor starts down the path of BLAMING THE VICTIM, he becomes likely to physically and psychologically attack the victim with even GREATER ferocity the next chance he gets. ~ Mistakes Were Made (but not by me) By Carol Tavris and Elliot Aronson :: <3
..::” How differently will you PERCEIVE the world when this is recognized!… When you forgive the “world” your *guilt*, you will be free of it…. Its INNOCENCE does not demand your guilt, nor does your guiltlessness rest on its sins…. This is the obvious; a secret kept from NO ONE but yourself…. And it is this that has maintained you SEPARATE from the WORLD. ~ACIM T-27.VIII.13.
..::” The CENTRAL lesson is always this; that what you use the body FOR… it will become to you… Use it for sin or for attack, which is the same as sin, and you will see it as sinful…. Use it to bring the -Word of God- to those who have it not, and the body becomes HOLY <3 ~ACIM M-12.5.
..::” There is no need for help to enter Heaven, for you never left. ~ ACIM URText
..::” A teacher of -fear- can not bring ~PEACE ON EARTH~ … We have been trying to do it that way for THOUSANDS of years…. The person who turns INNER violence around, the person who finds PEACE inside and LIVES IT, is the one who teaches what TRUE PEACE IS…. We are waiting for just One teacher…. You’re the One ~ <3 ~ Byron Katie
..::” The only way you can help someone… is if you know they are already perfect. ~Cindy Teevens 🙂 <3
<3
<3
I Love The Here and Now…. cause It Is Here and Now 🙂 <3
…. and…. this June, I am taking part in the Great Cycle Challenge.
https://greatcyclechallenge.com/Riders/LarryLawhorn
Wow! … Strava GPS software on my phone is saving all my bike rides (via the GPS), and i’ve ridden over 5,500 miles! on my bike since my Jeep was totaled in the Florida CAT 5 Hurricane Matthew!
SRAVA GPS TRACK: https://www.strava.com/athletes/14042714
Larry Lawhorn, OT